So I think I like starting my confessionals like this… with “So”… anyway, that was a random observation; back to the matter at hand: rebellious streaks.
Sooooo… I recently put on a septum ring and loved it. I loved how I looked in it, how powerful it made me feel, and there was an edginess to my look that made me feel very sexy and alive. And you’re probably wondering how a simple little ring would make me feel this way, right?
Well, I have been thinking a lot about my life hurtling off into adulthood and the pressure I am feeling to act and be a certain way (again). I have written before about Proper Miss shenanigans and how repressed I feel (…because of professional work environments and other life choices I keep making mostly), et cetera. So it’s not a new feeling — this constant need to break out.
And now it has manifested in the need for me to demonstrate autonomy over my choice of body jewelry. It’s not just the septum ring. It’s also the body chains, gothic harnesses, and all other ordinarily yummy stuff, if you’re experimenting in high school or college. I wonder if me acting out this way is some subtle form of sabotage that dares the world to ask me why I am making these choices, but really I am setting myself up to lose.
Of course, I feel a deeply rooted, and mostly silent pleasure, from all this stuff. I chuckle at being so unoriginal — maybe this is my oh-so-textbook mid life crisis. And if it is, well let’s just say that it really is a feeble attempt.
But after all this thinking and musing, I am just going to keep doing it because it makes me happy and it’s part of what fuels all my other beautiful, guilty pleasures like writing and dancing. And it keeps me rooted to the core of me…