So I did something so brave today and it was totally not what I expected. In this space that I voluntarily led myself, I was completely and truly vulnerable and I am not sure that I enjoyed it.
I was able to really confront myself and I am not sure I liked what I saw reflected back.
All these people who claim self love is natural clearly have not been brought up around religion, tradition, and societies built wholly on expectations that serve only to carmoflauge reality.
My experience is that it is so hard to love myself because of all these expectations I have. And truly seeing myself is even harder. I am more than happy to pretend that I embrace myself even when I know that my heart is far behind my mind. And when I know that the struggle of adulthood is to make sure that mind-heart alignment is right.
What’s even harder is when what your mind believes is so much farther from what your heart reflects back. Or to be in space where your inner person is so separated and distanced and far away from your physical self. And to be in a place where your rational mind is so completely aware that correction to balance and alignement is a life principle – so it’s better to act than be forced to act.
Oh the fear. I am afraid.
But perhaps I am also brave.