Month: November 2017

On brave new things

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So I did something so brave today and it was totally not what I expected.  In this space that I voluntarily led myself, I was completely and truly vulnerable and I am not sure that I enjoyed it.

I was able to really confront myself and I am not sure I liked what I saw reflected back.

All these people who claim self love is natural clearly have not been brought up around religion, tradition, and societies built wholly on expectations that serve only to carmoflauge reality.

My experience is that it is so hard to love myself because of all these expectations I have.  And truly seeing myself is even harder.  I am more than happy to pretend that I embrace myself even when I know that my heart is far behind my mind.  And when I know that the struggle of adulthood is to make sure that mind-heart alignment is right.

What’s even harder is when what your mind believes is so much farther from what your heart reflects back.  Or to be in space where your inner person is so separated and distanced and far away from your physical self.  And to be in a place where your rational mind is so completely aware that correction to balance and alignement is a life principle – so it’s better to act than be forced to act.

Oh the fear. I am afraid.

But perhaps I am also brave.

Living the dream

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I tell you. The things that writing can teach you… it’s amazing.

The dream to be a writer that actually writes (as opposed to the other kind that is seemingly in a perpetual state of writer’s block) is one that I have longed to live for a while now.  I finally had a breakthrough a few weeks ago.

It was like magic. I was not sure what triggered it – but it was everything I dreamed it would be.   The writing was flowing from secret place inside.  It is effortless.  I do not have to push myself, threaten my ego, or google “how to write while having a strenuous day job” like fifteen thousand times. And wow isn’t it glorious? I am totally happy. Fulfilled. And all that jazz.

So I was waxing about the life lessons from this experience and it’s as simple as profound truths often are… I need to trust myself and the inner magic that fires up my dream.

Thoughts

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Sometimes my mind works against me.

Sometimes it throws itself against the walls of sanity and makes my head hurt.

Sometimes getting quiet is hard and doing anything right is difficult – the firefly I chase at dusk.

But my mind sometimes loves me. Those days are better.

Fresh start

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I once met a guy whose life’s work has been about keeping things fresh.  That’s not what this post is about.  (I just chuckled).

This post is about me starting again.

Writing is risky business and sometimes I get my ego bruised. And then I go into hiding.  This is my umpteenth start.  I suspect there will be many more stops.  And hopefully just as many starts.

It’s funny that starting again is so difficult and yet – there is nothing that gives me joy and fulfillment as to dream and to write.

I think the pressure to be excellent also gets in the way.  I get in my own way. Here’s hoping that this bout of bravery lasts and lasts and lasts.

 

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I am a romance writer.  My aspiration is to complete and publish my stories. The stories that move me most are those that are written about love, loving, and everything in between. I am fascinated by how human beings connect and I *live* to capture the complexities of relationships.

I wrote one book and I am furiously trying to complete one of the other ones I have started.

But most importantly, I am in love with love.

Ema Tinje is a pseudonym.